Little Hoodlums

Sometimes I think our cats will forever act like teenage kids. They rough house like frat boys, chase each like it's the most natural thing in the world, do things that make us think they are using hallucinogens, and play pranks on each other.

Sometimes they play pranks on us. These are not funny.

Invariably they happen in the middle of the night and wake us up, which is so not funny when we don't get enough sleep as it is.

The other night, about 2am, they decided it would be funny to just bang on the bedroom door for literally no reason whatsoever. Their food bowl had been filled right before bed and their litter box was freshly scooped, so there was no reason to get our attention.

Moochie: What should we do to Mom and Dad tonight?

No one was breaking in. The house was not on fire. There was no gas leak. No thunder and lightning was happening to scare them.

Nope, these little devils, specifically brother and sister hoodlum duo Moochie and Sera, decided to pull the cat equivalent of ringing the doorbell and running away or calling a home and hanging up without saying anything. How did they do that?

Our secret plan, not yours.

Let's set the scene. As a reminder, it's 2am. Also, the door to the bedroom is closed because if it's open the dog can't relax and sleep. Plus, the cats would be on the bed, likely on Wifey's side, and they make the bed very warm - so to allow everyone happy sleep they get the run of the house at night.

Two cats move to the outside of the bedroom door. If one were awake they would hear them whispering to each other, likely encouraging one to make a move. I know this is Moochie and Sera because Sera is the brains in the pride and Moochie will do anything anyone tells him (well, except Wifey and I). Plus, claws are required for this, so Lilo can't be of service - and she wouldn't mastermind something like this.

Sera tells Moochie to do it.

A spotted paw reaches under the bedroom door, upside down so when the claws extend the grip the door rather than the carpet. There is plenty of room to snake that paw under, because one day a long time ago Ruby was left in the room with the door closed and tore up the carpet and padding underneath. We haven't fixed it, yet.

No idea what Dad is talking about. We're sleeping.

The claws extend, gripping the door. Moochie pulls the door towards him. It stays latched - we haven't found a need to actually lock it yet, not until one of the cats grows thumbs - but there is enough space around the latch the door moves, banging against the doorjamb. One shake, two shakes...repeated shakes.

Wifey jerks awake. I, apparently, am too tired to wake up. Likely my REM sleep was disturbed on some level, but not enough to find consciousness.

The banging lasts only a few seconds, but it's more than enough.

Still sleeping...

Sera says something, quietly, and Moochie stops. Then the pair chatter, gradually louder. I can just imagine what they are saying.

"Do it again!"

"No, I don't want to get in trouble!"

"Why stop now?"

"We should run before they yell at us!"


Sound like two kids at a door ringing the doorbell, preparing to run? Sure does to me...not that I would know by experience or anything. As far as you know.

Then two sets of paws run away, claws digging into the carpet for traction. They can be heard galloping up the stairs, seemingly as heavy as a full-grown mountain lion.

Isn't this how it starts? Do I need to nip this little burst of nuisanceness in the bud? Are they headed down the wrong path? Next will they be tagging fences, dealing weed in the park after dark, and stealing cars? Should I be worried?

We're just cute. Nothing more than that. Move along.

I have my eye on these two...they are not to be trusted.

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