30 Days With Jillian Michaels

Anyone ever watch the show 30 Days, hosted my Morgan Spurlock (otherwise known as the crazy guy who lived off McDonald's for 30 days in Super Size Me)?

Well, not too long ago I did my own little version of that - 30 Days With Jillian Michaels, trainer extraordinaire from Biggest Loser and various DVDs and books fame, at the NWX home gym. Sort of. She's kind of busy so she didn't actually come out to my place. I had to work from a book. That I had to buy.

So really it was nothing like the show, but that's besides the point.

Anyway, the book is called Making the Cut, and in it she details various diet-related notes (which I haven't yet read) followed by a 30-day workout. The book promises to help you lose that last 10 pounds. Personally, I have about 20 to go, so I wasn't sure the book would help me that much. Maybe that's why it didn't...or maybe it's because I still eat whatever I want (as long is it's fairly natural...not necessarily healthy, but natural).

Nah, that couldn't have anything to do with it. Gotta find something else to blame...

Anyway, I thought it would be mildly entertaining to my three faithful readers to get a smattering of the thoughts that ran through my head during those painful 30 days. Some of these were voiced, some of them were not, and others I spelled out in blood and sweat. I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

Anyway...

• Running 10 mph for a whole minute is way too much.
• Doing it on level 8 on the treadmill is insane.
• Wait, 10 was too fast, why the hell would I want to do 12?
• 15?! Jillian, you're insane!
• Could someone please tell me what the fuck a scorpion pushup is?!
• Does our treadmill even have a resistance level of 15?
• It does? Dammit.
• I'm pretty sure Jillian should be jailed. This is torture.
• I don't need another trainer.
• Wait, I was supposed to do THREE sets, not two?!
• Normally I just wipe my forehead on my shirt, but it's already wet...
• Bitch! ... Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! (this was meant in the nicest way, really...)

I'll be honest...it can get a bit salty around me when I'm hitting a workout like this (both literally - as in sweaty - and figuratively, as in the language that comes out of my mouth). The above is actually pretty well edited, though the part about the scorpion pushup is exactly how it came out of my mouth.

About halfway through the month Wifey pointed out this is supposed to be an advanced workout. Yep, that's me - an old pro when it comes to working out. That made me feel a little badass.

Of course, I didn't lose the 10 pounds. Maybe I should try again after I lose 10 another way, so I make sure I'm setting myself up for the LAST 10 pounds, as specified in the book. I bet that's it...only works if I'm trying to get read of the last 10.

Or perhaps I should eat more plants...

No, I don't want to do anything too drastic.